Category: Spain

Tenerife 2021

Introduction

I had a wonderful holiday in Tenerife in January 2020, which was the first time that Julie and I had visited the island. The weather was warm, the food was excellent and we travelled all around the north of the island.

By February 2020 we had itchy feet again, and booked a holiday in Malta, to travel in March with our daughter Josie. Well we all know what happened in March 2020 don’t we? The world turned to …manure. After two days in Malta we had to make a quick (and expensive) escape back to London.

We flew out with EasyJet, and back with Air Malta. So we were a return leg of the trip in credit with EasyJet. Later in the year we changed it to a trip to Majorca and bought a return journey. That was moved several times in 2020 and 2021, and more manure kept hitting the fan.

By Autumn 2021 the Covid 19 situation had calmed down enough to rebook, and we decided to go back to Tenerife, which we know would be warm in November. So on November 3rd we flew out to Tenerife South on an orange Airbus A320

Puerto de la Cruz 2021 Wednesday 3 November 2021

Having been to Tenerife before, we know how it works and decided that we didn’t need a car. The buses are fine, and we can walk almost everywhere in Puerto de la Cruz (which I will abbreviate to PDLC).

So Julie pre-booked a coach from the airport to take us to PDLC. We were dropped off at the amusingly named “Be Live Adults Only Hotel”, which sound like an old style Soho strip club, but is a respectable hotel. We pulled our trolly bags a hundred metres to the Anatolia Apartments where we had rented apartment 401.

It was a modern studio flat, which very clean with good furniture and fittings and only a few minuted from Castle Beach. But the WiFi wouldn’t work, which was going to limit our entertainment possibilities.

But first we needed some basic supplies. I rapidly found the nearest Lidl supermarket, which didn’t look far on the map. But of course it was up a big hill. PDLC is on the coast, and there isn’t much flat land, so most of the town is up a hill. Julie was very grumpy by the time we got to the supermarket, but we got some milk, fruit, wine, beer and olives. It was all food that Moses would have recognised (apart from the packaging).

Because I am Mr Organised (a status that has so-far taken 65 years to achieve), I had already book a table at Baraka Cafe and Grill for dinner. The restaurant was twenty minutes walk away near near Plaza del Charco, the central square in the oldest part of tow. We sat in the outdoor eating area and after some debate ordered the mixed fish and seafood platter. A gargantuan dish of squid, whitebait, prawns, baby squid, limpits and Sea Bass was brought to us and we set about it with relish. I’ve never had limit before and they just taste chewy, not much flavour, but not unpleasant. So it was love at first sight for Baraka, and we did return!

An ocean-depleting dish of fish

Thursday 4 November 2021

After much swearing and fiddling about Julie discovered the WiFi router behind sofa which was not plugged in properly. So we could now watch Netflix if we wanted to, hurrah!

Having been on holiday before just once or twice, we know that it’s possible to put on a few grams around the waist. So we brought our own breakfast in a bag all the way from Twickenham.

Allbran

Already I know you are judging me and thinking “why on earth do you want to carry that tasteless crap for four hours on an aeroplane when there are delicious Spanish pastries to be eaten”.

Actually I have got used to it as part of my bonkers high fibre healthy diet, and I really like it. Honestly.

Then we walked east through the town centre to Lago Martinez. These are massive outdoor swimming pools right next to the sea which look like big lakes. They are huge and magnificent, and almost deserted in November.

We got some recliners and an umbrella (being very pale English persons), it was simply gorgeous. Huge waves were bashing the sea wall behind us, and we gazed beautiful pools and palm trees . I swam round the island in the middle on the big pool, and wore myself out enough to deserve a beer. There are several huge pools, and I guess there is room for thousands of holiday makers. The proper beaches in PDLC are quite small, so the Lagos provide a safe palce for families to go.

The main book I was reading was Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir. Its a very thoughtful and thrilling story about an astronaut who is on a mission to save the Earth who makes a relationship with a very alien alien.

Lago Martinez

I a cheap bocadillo for lunch from a little cabin, served by a grumpy lady. It was OK.

After relaxing very hard for a few hours we went back to flat for a snooze, because that what you do on holiday. That was followed by aperitivos, snacks and beer from Lidl on our tiny balcony.

Aperitivos on the balcony

In the evening we walked to Vinoteca Con Passion, a very classy tapas bar. There are many many restaurants to choose from, and Julie had found a few which we highly recommended. We had a table on the street which was lively, and only occasionally noisy with traffic. The waiter was really good and helped us choose our tapas and a selection of four different wines. We tried out some local wine from the Orotava valley, and they were all good.

Vinoteca Con Passion

On the way home I felt the need for pudding, so we stopped for churros on the same place we visited last year, Churreria Perdamo. Its a simple place that serves dangerously tasty churros with ridiculously sweet and thick hot chocolate. They are the polar-opposite of Allbran.

Churros, all good and all bad!

Friday 5 November 2021

Getting back into the swing of Tenerife and the layout of PDLC. We went to Loro Parque zoo again, because it’s only 15 minutes walk away and we really enjoyed it last time.

Once again we enjoyed all the performing animal shows, which are quite remarkable. Once again I felt a bit bad about it for all the reasons you can read about in the Guardian. I think the most wondrous creatures were the jellyfish slowly pulsing their way around the big glass tanks, such beautiful profoundly alien looking creatures.

I saw a huge number of parrots (it started out as a parrot park) and then had chicken and chips for lunch, which is wrong in many ways. We stopped for a beer at Playa del Castillo (Castle beach) on the way back and had a beer. The only cafe shuts at 5pm, and starts packing up at 4.30, when there were still loads of customers, a bit strange. The sand is black and coarse, and the sea quite rough.

The castle is a 16th century fortification that protected the harbour that was a fishing port and also shipped a lot of very good wine to Europe. No doubt their were plenty of English pirates who would have like to steal some their wine and brandy.

the black sand of Castle beach

In the evening went to La Carta, an old fashioned place run by a couple called German lady called Cornelia and husband Juan. I had rabbit, becasue you don’t often see it on a menu and it was very tasty but the only vegetables were three small potatoes. The Aurotava local red wine was very good.

On the way back in Calle Mequinez we spotted Elements cocktail bar, which look kinda nice. So we had a Long Island Ice Tea for 6 € and then repeated the order.

Half-cut and happy

Further on towards our flat there was another little cafe snappily called Bar Cafe Tropic Burger selling two mojitos for 6€. Well, it would have been rude not to wouldn’t it?

We wuz quite pissed by then.

Saturday 6 November 2021

I was a bit hungover on Saturday morning due to an over-abundance of fun. Needing to shake off the cobwebs we decided to walk to the nearby town of La Oratava using an app called Kamoot.

La Oratava was the main town in the area, and PDLC was its harbour. Then the tourist industry kicked off, and PDLC grew much much larger. PDLC is squeezed in between the slopes leading up to Mount Teide and the sea. So the hotels and apartment blocks are packed in quite densely, and in the main it is not a beautiful town. There are some pretty parts of the town, but it isn’t Nice (or Cannes).

Julie downloaded an app called Kamoot which had walking routes, and it worked out a (mostly) off-road route from Anatolia Apartments to La Oratava (LO) , which is only about three miles. The route took us up side-streets, stairways and paths up hill towards our destination. Sometimes it was hard to follow, but we did OK until we got to a very off-road section. We were directed along a dried up river bed locally called a barranca, which would probably be a raging torrent in the winter.

The route was a bit rough and not easy to negotiate, and then Kamoot directed us out of it to a road. To get out of the gorge we had to climb a steep bank made of volcanic cinder, which was a bit slippery and no fun at all. But we got to the road and then to LO.

By chance we walked past the Teide National Park Museum which was very good. It has lots of information and displays all about the mighty volcano. I’m a big fan of volcanos, and have visited Mount Vesuvius in Naples, Mount Merapi in Java and Montana Roja in Lanzarote. The latter is a baby volcano about two hundred metres high, but an excellent walk nonetheless.

A park ranger in the museum told us a much better way to walk home. We had lunch in Restaurante Violeta, I had Paid Thai made with tofu and Julie had some deep fried aubergine with a sweet dressing which made her feel sick. I’m sure they are lovely people, but the food wasn’t.

Blah!

It was warm T-shirt weather in PDLC, but by the time we had climbed uphill to LA it was much cooler, so we walked back down hill again, along a much better route back past the Botanic Gardens.

Considering how densely the hotels and apartment blocks are packed in PDLC is relatively quiet, a combination of the pandemic and the time of year. I don’t think I would like to be there at the height of a normal season.

The flats and hotels are densely packed in PDLC

We saw a house with a statue of a gorilla in LA, which I though was brilliant!

Every home should have one

In the evening we walked back to Baraka again and had Paella for dinner, which they cooked for us cooked from scratch. The people at the restaurant are from Venezuela and are very welcoming.

Baraka Restaurant

Sunday 7 November 2021

We walked east through town to the Jardin Botanico via the La Paz Mirador. Miradors are look-out points which are common in Tenerife because the island is so mountainous. La Paz is the district of PDLC we stayed in when we last visited in 2020, but it is up a bloody great hill, which is why we didn’t stay there again!

The mirador looks west over the town from the top of a cliff, and gives a wonderful view of the Lago Martinez. The black beach next to the Lago is a surfing beach, and has a surf-school full of teenagers learning the art.

Lago Martinez from La Paz Mirador

The Jardin Botanico was free to get because it was Sunday, result! We really enjoyed it especially the very strange looking Lord Howe Island Fig and the giant Norfolk Island Pine. The pine tree was huge, it least a metre across and the top was literally out of site.

Lord Howe Island Fig

The gardens recently featured in an episode of the Sci Fi TV Series Foundation on Apple TV Plus, I recognised it when the Emperor of the Galaxy was having a walk (B.T.W. it was Day, not Dusk or Dawn).

On the way home we stopped at a restaurant called Mini Golf Club that actually had a mini golf course behind the dining area, a very strange combination. I had chicken and chips and Julie had Grouper and chips.

Later in the afternoon we went to the Playa Castello and sat on a bench near the beach looking at the sea. After a while of looking at it I decided to go for a swim. The water was surprisingly warm and the waves were big without being hazardous so I enjoyed it.

Playa Castello

After I dried out we went to the little bar again and had two more mojitos for 6€.

In the evening we went to Compostelana at in Plaza del Charco for dinner , which was fine with out being memorable.

In the evening we went to Compostelana at in Plaza del Charco for dinner , and had pizza, which was fine with out being memorable. On the way home we walked to through the small grid of old streets around Playa Mequinez which is the nicest part of Puerto, with many old houses and appealing restaurants. 

There are murals painted on the buildings which are very colourful.

Monday 8 November 2021

We decided to take a trip to the capitol of the island, Santa Cruz. It was only five minutes walk from our flat to the central bus station, and we took the 103 bus at 9.30. It cost €8 each for a return ticket, quite reasonable for a fifty mile return trip . The bus takes the motorway across to the eastern side of island. it goes over the mountains, and my smart watch (a Huawei, thanks for asking) said we went up to sixteen hundred feet.

Santa Cruz is a big bustling Spanish city, and we didn’t get to see the city centre

The bus took us to the main bus station by the sea front, and the impressive concert hall that looks like a Spartan helmet.

We walked straight to the Parque Cesar Manrique, which is a very similar group of pools like the Lago Martinez. There were about three elderly ladies there when we arrived, but gradually more people arrived and enjoyed the sun loungers. I continued reading The Hail Mary Project, which is very good “hard” Sci Fi with lots of physics in it.

Parque Cesar Manrique

Cesar Manrique was a very influential architect in the Canaries, especially on Lanzarote. He created a building design code for Lanzarote and many of the buildings a less than three stories and painted white so the the have a consistent appearance which is attractive.

On our arrival we immediately had breakfast, two coffees and a bocadillo, very tasty. Then we found a good spot and stayed there for about four hours! It was a bit windy and cool when the sun went behind the clouds, but mostly OK. I went for a swim, it wasn’t warm but was warmer than at Exmouth where I lost the feeling in my fingers!

In the afternoon we got a bit restless and moved on to the Palmetum which is very close by. I knew it was a collection of palm trees, but nothing more. It turned out to be quite an amazing place!

It was built on a hill in the nineties that used to be a municipal dump. It was amazing, a huge collection of hundreds of different types of palms from all over the world. There are also ponds, streams and small waterfalls on top of the hill, it was quite beautiful! There are wonderful views over the city, the harbour and the unlovely oil refinery.

Surprisingly there was no cafe, something which would be unthinkable in Britain! so we got a bit hungry and to to thirsty.

We walked back to the bus station and didn’t have to wait long for a bus back Puerto, which took about 50 minutes.

Back at the flat we ate last night’s pizza and had a tin of beer and watched a French film about a group of people in the same block of flats in lockdown.

Tuesday 9 November

Our alarms went off at 7 and we leapt out of bed to get ready for our Teide trip.

We went to a hotel round the corner at 8am to be picked up by the excursion company in a comfortable coach.

The guide spoke Spanish English and German and was called Jose. We did a tour of hotels picking up other passengers and then headed up hill through La Oratava. The vegetation  changed as we climbed up. Bananas at the lower levels, then vines and potatoes, then laurasilva forest with heather trees and laurels. At 1000 metres the Canarian Pine trees started up until 2000 metres, after that it was high altitude scrubby desert.

We stopped near El Portillo for a coffee and shared a doughnut. Then we drive on past a film crew, maybe making the next Dune film in the desert.

We drove up to the cable car station, and all the coach passengers got into the same car, I noticed the capacity was 44 people. It took 10 minutes to get up to the upper station which is at 3,555 metres, 11,663 feet.

It was beautifully sunny and actually quite warm up there, not a cloud and very quiet.

We could see the island of La Palma, but not the eruption on the island.

We took a path around to see a different view, walking on irregular lumps of rock, it was quite difficult.

The view was awesome, the best I have seen I last went to Teide in 1988.

After an hour we went back down on the cable car. I took loads of photos and video, I want to make a film of the excursion.

We got back to the flat at about 2.30 and had a cup of tea and read our books for a while.

Then we walked down to the nearby black beach. I had a swim, very nice but hard to get in and out because of the stones.

We walked to the cafe for a beer, but they start packing up at 4, so we had to be quick. Near the castle there was a lady busker called Clara who was very good, I liked all of her songs especially Torn and Creep.

We had dinner at Rosa Negra, a tapas place Julie found online. The waiters were very jolly, but the food was a bit average. I thinks tapas is overrated food. The local red House wine was good.

We enjoyed walking through the old part of town, there are a few streets of old houses decorated with colourful murals. It’s the most attractive part of PdlC, which is mostly built of ugly blocks of flats and hotels.

Wednesday 10 Nov

The sun was shining when we got up, and stayed shining for most of the day!

We walked down the pretty street with palm trees lining it, down to the little harbour when there are some small fishing boats bobbing around and a few swimmers on the beach.

We had breakfast in a cafe, croissant paninis and coffee.

Then we walked along the sea front through an old fort with bronze cannons pointing out to sea. 

We paid €5 each to go into Lago Martinez and found a good spot near a palm tree, so we could get some shade. Thus enthroned on loungers, we spent the day there soaking up the sun. 

I had a couple of dips in the pool, which was cool but not freezing. It really is a pleasant way to spend the day, and was quite busy. This time I put plenty of sun lotion on so I didn’t get burnt like I did last week.

I had a beer, and a bad hamburger and chips for lunch. I read lots more of Project Hail Mary, which is a very clever book.

We left at about 4 when it was turning cool, and walked back to the flat.

We then filled in the UK Passenger Locator Form which was a real pain!

In the evening we went to La Baraka again. They gave us some free Venezuelan corn-bread sandwiches and potatoes. We ate the giant fish platter again, and got really stuffed!

It contained:

Limpits

Prawns

Mussels

Fish Goujons

Baby squid

Calamari

Whitebait

Sea Bass

Phew!

We waddled home and packed our bags to go back to Gatwick.

Thursday 12 Nov

We got up at 7 and finished packing and sorted out all the paperwork.

We ate the remaining breakfast yoghurt and cereal and had a cup of tea.

At 8 we walked about 50 yards to the BeLive Hotel, and could see Teide and the Observatory quite clearly.

The bus came at 8.20 on time, and then took until almost 10 to pick up people from other hotels.

Sherry, Ships, and a Seville SNAFU: An Andalusian Odyssey in 2026

Day 1: Cadiz – The Gateway to American Wealth

In the spring of 2026, we completed our tour of Andalusia that we started in 2016. Having already visited Seville, Granada, Cordoba and Malaga, our targets were Cadiz and Jerez—two ancient stalwarts of culture, heritage, and more importantly, superb fortified wine. I only drink Sherry at Christmas, but it does taste good and has a fascinating heritage.

Cadiz is a city that refuses to be part of the mainland. Founded 3,000 years ago by Phoenicians from Tyre (in modern-day Lebanon), it sits on a narrow isthmus, almost entirely surrounded by the Atlantic and the Bay of Cadiz. It’s less of a city and more of an anchored ship that once held the keys to Spanish colonial wealth.

We checked into the Hotel Boutique Convento Cadiz, a beautifully converted convent which is a peaceful alternative to modern hotels. We trod very quietly across the courtyard, since it still had a sacred feel to it. After shaking off the travel dust, we headed a short distance to the port.

In the 18th century, this harbour groaned under the weight of silver from the slave mines of Potosi in Peru; today, it hosts cruise ships delivering pounds, euros and dollars. We traced the coastline, passing fortifications built to keep out English privateers like Sir Francis Drake, who famously “singed the King of Spain’s beard” here in 1587. That looks like Francis Drake sang a song about the King of Spain’s beard, but actually means he metaphorically set it on fire in the Battle of Cadiz in 1587. But the image of Francis in a pub in Plymouth entertaining the locals at an open-mike night, is a strong one.

Hotel Boutique Convento

Hunger eventually drove us inland to the Central Market. While the fishmongers had packed up for the day, the surrounding tapas bars were humming. At El Viajero del Merkao, we enjoyed a house white that punched well above its weight class—the perfect introduction to Gaditano hospitality.

Bloody hell we had some good food there, washed down with Cruz Campo (the Spanish stuff, not the beer they make in Manchester).

Day 2: Phoenicians, Romans, and Bad Balbi

The old town of Cadiz is a dense grid of straight streets that spill unexpectedly into leafy plazas shaded by gargantuan fig trees with arial roots hanging to the ground. Cadiz has had many names—Gadir to the Phoenicians, Gades to the Romans, Qadis to the Moors. It has been part of Spain since 1262, but its current form today is largely built in 18th-century in a mixture of styles and types of stone, built on the back of a trade monopoly with the Spanish New World.

This may sound sacrilegious, but it isn’t very beautiful. compared to other cathedrals, and i have seen dozens of them

The Cathedral sits with its back to the sea in Populo, the city’s medieval quarter. Nearby, we came across upon the Casa del Obispo (House of the Bishop). It is unmarked and unassuming, and it’s an archaeological goldmine where you can walk over Phoenician and Roman ruins tucked beneath a medieval Bishop’s palace.

Just around the corner lies the Roman Theatre. It’s an impressive site, built by a local Roman tycoon named Balbi. Contemporary historians noted that Balbi took the profits from the theatre and bolted for Rome. 2,000 years later, the verdict remains: Balbi Was A Bastard.

After lunch at La Marquesa de las Huevas (where my deep-fried pork belly was served, for reasons known only to the chef, on a triangular slate), we hit the Torre Tavira. In the 18th century, merchants built these towers to spot their incoming treasure ships. Tavira is the highest, housing a Camera Obscura. Watching a live, periscope-projected image of the city where seagulls suddenly fly across a giant white dish was unexpectedly mesmerizing—a low-tech Google Earth that actually works.

Day 3: From Salty Marshes to Sherry Cathedrals 

Our first coffee of the day  in a cafe in a cafe opposite the local Palace of Justice watching Spanish police eat breakfast, proves that they definitely don’t eat donuts like Chief Wiggum. The nearby old gate to Cadiz is called Torreón de las Puertas de Tierra, or Tower of the Earth Doors. It’s a massive fortified gate that reminded me of similar gates in Valetta. We took one last walk around the Campo del Sur. This coastal road offers the iconic view of the Cathedral dome against the blue Atlantic—a scene so Cuban that they filmed Die Another Day here, pretending it was Havana.

The road goes past the Roman theatre, the back of the cathedral and then reaches Playa de la Caleta, a stunning beach facing the Atlantic. It’s the best place to watch the sunset over the Castillo de San Sebastian, which is a fortification projecting out into the Atlantic.

Caleta at Sunset

The  Museo de Cortes is worth a quick visit. Its a memorial to the Cadiz Constitution of 1812. The ground floor has lots of portraits of men in tricorn hats looking serious, several of them with Irish names. On the upper floor there a scale model of Cadiz made by military engineer Alfonso Jimenéz in 1779. It’s fascinating how little the old city has changed since then and the Torre Tavira is clearly visible on a hill.

Museo de Cortes

At one end of Caleta beach is the Castille de Santa Katarina, a fort that protected the Atlantic side of the city from those rascally English. The fort contains a museum dedicated to people killed in the Great Explosion of 1947, when an ammunition store blew up and tragically devastated a large area of the city.

By afternoon, the train carried us through the salinas (salt marshes) to Jerez de la Frontera. The “Frontera” refers to its medieval position on the boundary between Christian and Moorish Spain, but today, the only thing Jerez guards is its Sherry.

Our AirBnB was close to the old city centre, and the sherry bodegas were a short stagger away.

Our host recommended Las Banderillas, a tapas restaurant that operates with the frantic efficiency of an F1 pit crew. We dined ox tail, pork cheeks, and blue cheese croquettes. No photos were taken; the food didn’t last long enough to pose.

Day 4: Sherry Baby

The centre of Jerez is pleasingly compact, with a Gothic cathedral close to the Alcazar (castle). It was founded by the Almohads Arabs in the 12th century, and then partly rebuilt by the Christian conquerors. The castle has huge walls, originally made in the Moorish style from rammed earth mixed with lime, which sets like concrete. The tallest structure is an octagonal tower which gives panoramic views of the city. Within the walls there is a Baroque mansion built in the 17th century that serves as municipal meeting rooms and offices. More interestingly there is an Arab hammam (bath house) and mosque, both in good states of preservation. 

The gardens within the castle walls were bursting with spring flowers, so it’s a great place to spend a couple of hours and enjoy being taken back in time.

In Jerez, visiting a bodega is not a suggestion; it’s the law. We headed to Gonzalez Byass, a sprawling industrial “city within a city.” We boarded a road train (the kind usually reserved for seaside resorts) to tour the vast cellars.

 The company owns thousands of hectares of vineyards in the “sherry triangle” which include three Andalucian towns, Jerez, El Puerto de Santa Maria and Sanlúcar de Barrameda.The grapes are grown and pressed in the vineyards, and then stored and blended in the bodega (wine cellar) in Jerez. 

The biggest bodega stores 80,000 butts (wine barrels) of sherry over several floors. It is a huge and complex operation which produces a range of different sherrys, ranging from pale dry Fino to sweet dark Cream. Our guide explained how the barrels are only partly filled to allow for oxidation, which is all part of the maturation process.

Sherry barrels showing how oxidation happens

We visited huge sheds where the butts are stored in layers of different ages so that older sherry is blended with newer wines. They have had many famous visitors over the years, who sign the ends of the barrels including Bobby Moore, Ayrton Senna and Roger Moore. Bobby’s signature looks like he forgot to put in the second b, but squeezed it in afterwards. It also looks very fresh for 60 years old.

Suspicious looking signature of a World Cup hero

The highlight? A tiny ladder leaning against a glass of sherry on the floor. It was built so the local mice could have a tipple—a story we all smiled at politely until the guide pointed to a photo on the wall of a mouse actually halfway up the ladder. Apparently, the rodents here have excellent palates.

Pissed mice

The Palacio El Virry Laserna is a small palace that has been in the same family since the conquest of Jerez in the second half of the 13th century, so that’s over 700 years! The owner (and guide) is a descendant of José de la Serna e Hinojosa, 1st Count of the Andes who was the last Spanish Viceroy of South America. The house is decorated with classic furniture and old paintings, like a Spanish National Trust site. 

Palacio El Virry Laserna

The streets in the old town are quiet and tree-lined, but many have no pavements! So you have to listen for cars on the cobbles and stand close to the wall as they rumble past, but its all part of the charm

Day 5: Seville Done Badly

Then came Seville. Or, as I now refer to it: The Day of Angst. This is where I appear a bit ranty, since the day didn’t go as smooth as I wanted. I know, I should just be grateful that I’m in such a lovely city.

The honeymoon ended abruptly. At our first cafe, the waiters ignored us with a level of dedication that felt personal. The Cathedral, while gargantuan, felt like a repetitive gallery of “Men in Hats and Saints in Pain.” We shuffled up the 34 ramps of the Giralda tower with hundreds of other tourists only to find the view obscured by bars and wire. The tower was originally a minaret for an Almohad mosque on the same site.

The cathedral has a huge tomb of Christopher Columbus, the genocidal explorer who “discovered” America and then allowed the Spanish to pillage it for the next 300 years.

The Giralda

Seville was packed—less “Andalusian charm” and more “Oxford Street on a Saturday.” After a lunch of rubbery squid and a visit to a bar called Lola por Dios on Alameda de Hercules (which I wouldn’t recommend to my worst enemy), I began to wonder if I’d offended a local deity. Even the nachos at our next stop were cold, and the wine at the final bar by Las Setas (the Parasols) was arguably a crime against viticulture.

Las Setas

Day 6: Redemption in the Alcazar

Thankfully, Seville showed us its better face to us to win us back. The Archivo de Indies is where all the colonial records of Imperial Spain are held. It is a gorgeous building paid for with Peruvian silver and Mexican gold

Crossing the Guadalquivir river, we enjoyed a peaceful Sunday morning in the Triana district—and found excellent Iberico ham on toast at Cafe de Nonina . It was Sunday morning and the streets were packed with smartly dress Sevillanos on their way to church.

The Real Alcazar is the crown jewel of Seville. It is a Mudejar masterpiece where Islamic artistry was taken by Christian kings to create a fantastical style unique to Andalusia. The stone tracery and polychromic tiles are easily the rivals of the Alhambra. The gardens are a lush maze of box hedges and palms, populated by noisy green parakeets. We actually got lost in the greenery and had to be rescued by a very friendly, very large security guard.

Our final stop was the Plaza de España, a 1928 “wedding cake” of a building. It’s spectacular, over-the-top, and slightly Disney-esque, with families rowing boats in a moat under the hot sun. It was the perfect, slightly surreal ending to a trip of high highs, ancient depths, and the occasional cold nacho. It was actually used as a stand-in for the planet Naboo in a Star Wars film.

Plaza de Espana

So, how was our visit?

Andalusia is exceptional, it up their with Tuscany and the Cote d’Azur for me. If I had to pick a favourite it would be Cadiz, because it is very historic, compact and not overrun by tourists. Jerez is lovely but you could see it as a day visit from Cadiz. But we might have missed going to Las Banderillas, which was one of our highlights! Saturday in Seville wasn’t great, the city centre was packed with stag and hen parties and some of the hostelries disappointed me. But Sunday was delightful and visiting Triana was a bonus.

The weather in mid March was good, cool in the mornings but warming up nicely in the afternoon. I think I would shrivel up in the summer, and it was great to get away from grey London skies.

You must see Andalusia, and get to Granada and Cordoba as well if you can.

Los Cristianos – Sun and Lager

18 January 2025 – Fancy a beer?

The next stop on our tour of Tenerife was Los Cristianos, a very popular resort in the south of the island. We haven’t been down to the south of Tenerife since 1988, and didn’t particularly enjoy it then. It was at the height of the Timeshare Boom, and there were many young English people trying to sell time shares to tourists on commission.

I got so pissed off with being approached by the grinning oiks that I ended up pretending to be a German tourist, saying

“Nein danke, ich bin ein Hamburger”

to get rid of them. Timeshares in Tenerife were a big scam run by John “Goldfinger” Palmer, an English criminal who ended up getting murdered in his own garden by Russians who wanted a share of the action.

We took a TITSA (no sniggering) from Santa Cruz to the bus stop in Los Cristanos. It doesn’t have a bus station since most people arrive in TUI or Jet2 coaches directly from the airport. Once again we hauled our wheely cases for half an hour up a hill to a big block of flats. Our place is on the 9th floor of Castle Harbour, an ugly concrete complex with a swimming pool and loungers. The grasping bastards wanted to charge two Euros to hire a recliner around the pool, which I think is very mean.

View from our balcony towards La Gomera

Our balcony looks out over a road and towards the island of La Gomera over the sea in the distance. A friend of mine (Roger Haynes) once rowed from there to Antigua on his own, it took him over 100 days. The flat wasn’t ready for us, so we walked down to the sea front. As expected, we passed lots of bars showing the Saturday football matches on the TV, watched by many large, bald men.

Once we got to the sea front, we choose one of the many restaurants at random and had some tapas and a beer for lunch. It was fine, but not fine dining. There is a succession of bars, restaurants and souvenir shops which face onto the promenade along side the beach. There were lots (and lots) of mobility scooters, and even some two seat scooters so that couples could trundle along together. I even saw a complete family – mum, dad and two kids – with all their gear riding together on one. So if you have “mobility issues” Los Cristianos is a good choice. I’m not sure about the rules are about drinking and driving a scooter, but I didn’t see anyone getting breathalysed by a cop driving a slightly faster mobility scooter.

Lock up your daughters, its the Wild Bunch

I saw a “Viking Longboat” motoring along the coast. I think that Danes from the north of the island sailed down to the south but decided it wasn’t worth invading.

Danish invaders deciding not to bother

At the western end of Los Cristianos beach there is a ferry port with catamaran ferries going to La Gomera, and a big sea wall. Beyond the wall there is another beach called Playa de Los Vistas. That beach looked better than the first one, a bit more upmarket with more classier looking restaurants. There were several beach volleyball courts with teenagers playing a tournament refereed by adults blowing shrill whistles.

Los Cristianos doesn’t have an old town, in fact it has nothing of any architectural or cultural merit that I could find. But it does have a good beach and affordable restaurants and drinks which is brilliant for 95% of the population. I’m in the other 5% who look for more from a holiday. Talking to various friends it seems I’m also in the 2% who also don’t give a toss about Bake Off, Strictly or Traitors.

In the evening we ate somewhere which was quite good. There was a guitarist who could play some old rock songs quite well, but sadly he also played Country Music. I think the name defines who that music is for.

19 January 2025 – on the beach

The vast majority of British tourists visit the south of Tenerife, whereas the north is preferred by Germans, Dutch and Scandinavians. I thought that might have changed since our last visit in 1988, but it hasn’t. It caters for people who enjoy a Full English and a pint of lager at the same time. In fact its pretty similar to any Spoons at 10 in the morning, but with sunshine.

Since this was our last day in Tenerife, we had a lazy beach day. To be honest it was the only sort of day available. Foolishly we tried to find a nice coffee shop where we could get a fresh croissant with our Americano coffee. There are literally dozens of such cafes in Twickenham and Richmond. These establishments do not exist in Los Cristanos, which made me realise that this place was not meant for me.

LC appears to be the holiday destination of choice for the overweight and thirsty, maybe there is a connection. The promenade is a slow shuffle of people heading for there next drink or meal, or possibly heading for a tattoo parlour to get their pink bodies embroidered with the name of their football club.

We picked a pair of recliners and an umbrella on the beach and settled there for the day with our books. I’m reading Dead Lions, the second Slow Horses book, which is full of very funny Jackson Lamb lines. The book is punctuated with Lamb’s flatulence, which he uses to annoy his detractors.

Better out than in

Naturally I was also watching people on the beach, which is always entertaining and made me feel thin.

I did go in for a swim with my goggles on, and as I waded out I kicked a large and unmoving rock , which was painful.

“Oh gosh, I’ve kicked a flipping rock” I exclaimed as I tried to regain my balance and not look like a complete knob

During my “diving trip” I saw just one fish, which looked quite lonely swimming around the rocks. I suspect all the other fish have been fried and ended up with a plate of chips.

In the evening we met a friend of Julie’s who was also on holiday in Tenerife. They are staying in a very smart hotel for a week. I was a bit envious of the hotel, but two nights was long enough in Los Cristianos. We found a smart bar and enjoyed a drink, before Anne returned for her inclusive dinner. It was a good place so we stayed and had dinner there, I had lamb and Julie had salmon.

On the way back to the flat after dinner we passed a bar with a singer who was knocking out old 60s and 70s soul songs. We were encouraged to go in by a cheeky chappie in a funny hat, a sort of court jester. The singer was so good we went in and ordered a pair of Aperol Spritz and got into the spirit.

Sitting on the dock of the bay

Julie’s face was beaming, she loved the old tunes by Stevie Wonder, Wilson Pickett, Jimmy Ruffin, Otis Redding and many others. It’s amazing how words of songs over fifty years old come back to you when you have had a cocktail.

Times Up on Ten Days in Tenerife

That was the longest holiday we have had in the Canaries, and I enjoyed it all. Pulling bags uphill was a recurring theme I could have done without, but to balance that we had many splendid views from balconies in our three different flats. I actually swam in the sea twice, which is very good for January. Most of the meals I ate were good, some were average but none were terrible.

I like the Canaries because they are sunny when the weather is horrible at home, and there is loads to do if you make an effort to do some exploring. You can even see exhibitions about moderately talented shagging Surrealist artists.

Discovering Santa Cruz de Tenerife -History, Beaches and Art

January 15 Onward to Santa Cruz

It is a changeover day for us, so we said adios to Puerto de la Cruz, and hola to Santa Cruz. The cities are about an hour apart on a bus which runs round the motorway across the north of the island. We took the TITSA bus from the Intercambiador (bus station), paying about five Euros each to the bus driver. The buses have a big luggage compartment underneath, which makes it great for travellers. We only take a small wheeled case with us, so getting around is easy.

The bus delivered us to an enormous bus station in Santa Cruz, with a lobby the size of Terminal 5. The Intercambriador is close to the sea front, but our next accommodation was not. After consulting Google maps, it appeared to be half an hour’s walk away, no sweat for people used to walking for miles around Bushy Park. Fundamental error! Bushy Park is flat, Santa Cruz (like everywhere on Tenerife) is on the side of the biggest mountain in Spain!

Then we foolishly dragged our wheely bags for half an hour up hill to our next place Edificio Bruja. Later we found out that there was a No. 14 bus directly from the bus station to the flat, doh! The Edificio is quite upmarket with a concierge who told us three ways to get into the flat (card, door combination, and phone app). The flat was on the eighth floor looking down hill towards the harbour. It was three times as big as the last one, with two bedrooms! There was a small balcony on two sides, which was good but quite windy. However on the 10th floor there was a proper sun terrace on the roof with a swimming pool, jackpot!

Our 8th floor balcony in Edeficio Bruja

First things first, we had to get some milk to go with our M&S decaf teabags. But regular pasteurised milk is difficult to get hold of in Spain for some reason. On the ground floor of the Edificio (all buildings are called Edificio) there was a Spar, so we got some bread ‘n shit and had lunch on the balconioni. Not shit literally, that wouldn’t be nice, but cold meat and cheese.

After a small argument about me not making decisions about where to go, I manfully decided that we should get the tram (as suggested by the concierge) down hill into the city centre and see what’s what. The tram is very quick and efficient, a great way to travel around the city.

Santa Cruz has a population of about half a million, so it is a proper big city and one of the capitals of the Canaries, Las Palmas de Gran Canaria is the other. It has one of the biggest commercial harbours in Spain, and from our flat we could see enormous cruise liners in the port.

At the Tourist Information in Plaza de la Candelaria, a friendly security guard showed us bullet holes from the civil war and told us how Franco had been flown out of Tenerife. He was keen to emphasise that the pilot was English, but to be honest I wish he had left Franco in Tenerife drinking sangria, instead of starting the civil war.

INTERESTING FACT

The escape plane was a De Havilland Dragon Rapide. There is a Dragon Rapide based at Duxford airfield near Cambridge which regularly flies over central London. The English pilot was Cecil Bebb, who later got a medal from Franco.

Close to the Tourist Info is Plaza de Espana, which normally has a circular pond in it. Except the pond is drained for repairs, so its just a blue painted skateboard park now.

Plaza de Espana’s dry pond

Close by I saw a plaque which proudly explains how the Spanish garrison of Santa Cruz defeated a British raid 1797. Nelson was injured in the raid and had to have his right arm amputated, it was his worse defeat.

The Spanish are very proud of this victory, and claim that it was a cannon ball from a bronze cannon called El Tigre that injured Nelson. The cannon still exists in a museum (I saw it, I touched it), but I think if he had been hit by a cannon ball there wouldn’t be much of Nelson to fight at Trafalgar.

After mooching around the compact old city centre we went to the TEA modern art museum to see an exhibit about Oscar Dominguez, a Tenerife Surrealist. His pictures are quite good, but don’t have the sophistication of Dali, and I wouldn’t want one on my wall. But the museum is an interesting place to visit, and free. Like most male artists of the time (enormous generalisation), he hung out in Paris and was a serial shagger.

Oscar Dominguez, no oil painting

It was dark when we emerged from the gallery, so we headed into the city centre and found a lively tapas bar where we had dinner (Julie nachos and Tim ribs) and ONE glass of wine. We wanted several glasses but showed fortitude, very difficult on holiday.

We had a lovely day, apart from dragging the bags up hill like pack mules, when we could have got the bus! But I do think that all exercise is worthwhile.

January 16 Exploring the Sights

On Thursday morning we walked downhill into the city centre, downhill good, uphill bad. The route was more-or-less out of the edificio and turn right. We went back to the tourist office, which is house in a big 18th century merchants house. At 10.30 we joined a guided tour around some of the historic buildings of old Santa Cruz. There aren’t very many.

 The guide, Jose, had a habit of repeating himself like Donald Trump.

“This is the original city water fountain, water fountain. It brought water twelve kilometres in wooden pipes, wooden pipes”.

I almost expected him to say “It’s the greatest fountain in the world, really tremendous”.

However he took us to a few interesting locations, including the parish church of St Francis. In typical Spanish style, it’s full of colourful religious statues and paintings. In the 18th century there was a cholera epidemic in which thousands of people died.

St Francis church

They paraded a picture of Jesus, and the epidemic stopped. There was another epidemic in the 19th century and once again Jesus was paraded and it stopped. Jose clearly thought it was divine intervention. I was wondering if they checked if sewage got into the aforementioned water fountain?

Julie wondered if they paraded Jesus during the COVID19 epidemic, surely He would have sorted it out in no time.

Close to the TEA art gallery, there is the African market, named after a nearby church, Our Lady of Africa. I was expecting African stalls like you see in Brixton or Peckham, but it is a lovely building built in the 1940s, which is quite upmarket. There are stalls for fruit, veg, meat, fish, and souvenirs for tourists.

Entrance to the market

On the lower floor, there was a café where we tried another barraquito liquor coffee, which was a decent size and had a bit of booze in it this time.

Barraquito it make me happy

Next we headed along the sea front , floating in the harbour there were two huge floatels, which are accommodation blocks for drilling rigs. They are brought into Santa Cruz for repairs.

The floatel “Reliance”

The most eye-catching building on the sea front is the Auditorio de Tenerife Adán Martín, a modern concert hall shaped like a Greek Corinthian helmet.

The Palmetum is built on an artificial hill that was once the town dump, redeveloped in the ’90s. It offers a peaceful and beautiful escape, featuring one of the largest palm collections in the world. The garden is divided into zones representing different regions, including Oceania, India, the Caribbean, and Madagascar. Visitors can enjoy stunning views of the Atlantic Ocean from benches, perfect for soaking up the sun and admiring the sea. Additionally, near the pond in the center of the palms, a small caravan sells beers, allowing us to relax with a drink in the sun while watching butterflies flutter around.

An interpretation board showing old photos of the palmetum

We took the bus back to the Bruja building and we settled ourselves on recliners by the pool on the 10th floor. The water is very cold, but the sunshine is delightful!

In the evening we took the tram up hill to the old capital city of La Laguna, a few miles inland from Santa Cruz. It is uphill all the way, and about 1750 feet high, so a lot cooler than Santa Cruz and I needed the coat I took with me. The city centre is full of beautiful old buildings and a grand cathedral, it is a university town so has a youthful vibe.

We went in the first good looking restaurant we saw, the Dehli Darbur. It is a big and very stylish Indian restaurant, which served us a very good Chicken Biryani with Onion Bhajis to start. We could have been in Twickenham!

January 17 A visit to the beach

They have a very good public transport system in Santa Cruz, every ticket is 1.25 Euros. On Friday morning we took the 26 bus down to the Intercambriador, the terminus for buses and trams. We took the 910 past the cruise ships and docks to Playa de Las Terestitas, a long sandy beach protected by a stone breakwater. It’s probably 1000 metres long, and the sand is imported from the Sahara. Two recliners and an umbrella  next to a cafe is 6 Euros, quite a bargain. It is lined with palm trees and small cafes, so it’s a great place to visit

Playa de las Terasitas

So for the next few hours we planted our bums on the beds and read our books. I kept reading Julie the funny bits about Jackson Lamb in a Slow Horses book. I can read it an imagine Gary Oldman saying it, its very clever writing.

I went for a swim for a short while, which was more or less splashing about, but very refreshing. We ate a picnic lunch (again) because the bread is so good from the Spar at the bottom of the Bruja building.

Mid afternoon we took the bus back to the city centre and walked up to Parque de Garcia, which is incredibly beautiful, and crowded with the same tropical trees we have seen in the Jardin de Botanico and the Palmetum.

Some of the residential areas of Santa Cruz are very attractive with graceful 19th century houses. Walking back to the flat we came across Plaza Veinticinco de Julio de Los Patos, which is constructed from very colourful tiles with benches advertising old businesses.

Plaza Veinticinco de Julio de Los Patos

Santa Cruz isn’t a tourist city, but there is a lot to see and do for a few days, and it isn’t full of tourists. Apart from 5,000 at a time who get off the vast cruise ships in the harbour. But they don’t get much further than the city centre.

For our last night in Santa Cruz we couldn’t face getting the bus into the town centre, so found a local place called Kokora cafe in the local park ten minutes walk away. It was surprisingly good! I had a big and tasty prawn Pad Thai, and Julie had Prawn Tacos. The red wine was great and 3.5 Euros a glass, what’s not to like?

Los Cristianos – Sun and Lager

Top Experiences in Puerto de la Cruz, Tenerife

Five Nights in Puerto de la Cruz

January is definitely the winter of my discontent. It’s the slump after Christmas when the dark reality of the post-festive season kicks in. It is generally just shit.

This is what Twickenham is like in the winter.

Because Julie and I have the time and resources to escape the gloom, we decided to make a getaway. The next question is, where? I really didn’t fancy the flying time and ticket cost of a long-haul to Asia or the Caribbean. Florida is MAGA country, and not my natural environment as a card-carrying Guardian-reading-pinko-liberal (with both a small and capital L).

Warm places on a shortish-haul flights are: Madeira, the Canaries or Egypt. I went to Madeira once and thought it was OK, but it didn’t really ring my bell. I’ve been to Egypt twice on cheap holidays and drank some of the worst wine and beer in the world.

The Canaries have eight islands to choose from, good food and wine and quite a lot of culture.

Call me a creature of habit:

“Tim, you’re a creature of habit”

but I do like Tenerife. It has several cities to visit, a vast number of restaurants, and a smattering of interesting things that appeal to my Culture-Supplement-Reading-Self. So we got a guide book out of the library, and Julie (the finest travel agent in my house) booked flights and accommodation.

Twickenham was minus five and very frosty when we left at 5am, and drove very carefully down the motorways to Gatport Airwick. Our bright orange (guess who) A320 landed at sunny Tenerife South Airport at about 12.30 on 10th January.

Julie is exceedingly well organised when it comes to holidays, and had pre-booked a shuttle coach from the airport to Puerto de la Cruz on the north coast of the island.

“Why Puerto de la Cruz” I hear you ask ? It’s in The North of the island where some people (who holiday in the South) say it rains all the time and Polar Bears hunt on the sea ice. Puerto de la Cruz is actually a lovely town (in parts) and the weather is pretty much the same as in the desert-like south of the island.

Staying in Puerto de la Cruz

Annoyingly our shuttle coach stopped at about a dozen hotels before getting close to our flat, which was a real draaag maaan. Our host Alexandra met us outside the block and took us up to our seventh floor studio flat. She was German or Dutch. Or possibly Swedish or Danish, definitely Northern European. After a brief tour of the flat she left us a delicious bottle of rose, Castillo de Benizar Cabernet Sauvignon 2019. It mysteriously fell down our throats later that day, along with a big bag of crisps.

The flat was tiny, in fact it was a converted hotel room. But it did have a terrace looking south over the Valle de la Oratava and the central mountain of the island. The Valle is not a valley  between two hills in the usual sense, but a slope down from the centre of the island on the side of the volcano. It is very verdant and covered with banana plantations, vineyards and farm houses . This is unlike the South of the island which looks like Iraq, and not the irrigated part of Iraq.

I had my pocket binoculars which I bought in Lanzarote focused on the astronomical  observatory on the ridge in the distance, which is where Brian May did lots of his star watching, studying for his PhD.

The astronomical observatory as see from our terrace

Alexandra recommended a restaurant called Meson Los Golemos which is (apparently) a typical Canarian place. She told us that we couldn’t book and might have to queue for a “short while”. So we walked there in the late afternoon sunshine for an early dinner and queued outside for half an hour, with other keen potential diners. There were still fourteen  people in the queue in front of us before we thought “sod that” and went off in a huff.

After a bit of hunting around, I found Las Tequita de Min by the harbour, which we went to last in 2021, but I think it was a different owner. The mixed fish platter was OK, but not as good as it was last time. Typically it had the “Canarian potatoes” with red and green sauces. They seem to come with most meals and are new potatoes which are a bit salty. I couldn’t describe what the sauces taste like, but ketchup has more flavour.

Fish Dish in Las Teguita de Min

Having got up at Stupid O’Clock we ran out of steam fairly early. On the walk back to the flat and bought some milk and biscuits at the Hyperdino supermarket nearby. Being British, we had brought our own tea bags with us so we wouldn’t shrivel from tea starvation.

Our First Full Day

On the first night in Tenerife we had a very good night’s sleep. It is in the same time zone as the UK, so there is no jet lag. The flat is on the 7th floor of a block in the town centre, and is very quiet. We get more noise in Twickenham when the planes for Heathrow are going over. Once the sun rose above the mountain at about 9am, the terrace was sunny and warm.

We walked down to the sea front and enjoyed a busker playing English rock songs, notably Creep by Radiohead and Sultans of Swing by Dire Straits. He threw all the right shapes and looked suitably rock-starry with a bandana around his head, but his voice was a bit weedy. He needs to smoke more fags and drink Jack Daniels like Keef Richards.

I’m a Creep I’m a Wierdo

INTERESTING FACT

Radiohead were sued for plagiarism by Mike Hazlewood and Albert Hammond because Creep is similar the their song The Air That I Breathe, which was a big hit for the Hollies.

The sea front in that part of the town does not have a good beach, but it does have an open plaza with benches where you can watch surfers mostly not catching waves. They swim out and bob around for a long time waiting for a good wave and occasionally catch a good one, and race 50 metres to the shore.

After the busker left for a more lucrative pitch (I did give him a Euro for Sultans) we walked up lots of steps to the upper part of the town and went to the Botanic Gardens, for the third time. The town is at the foot of the slopes that peaks at Mount Teide, not much of the entire island is flat, it’s either up or down. I did see it on TV once when it featured in an episode of Foundation on Apple + . The Emperor of the galactic empire was walking round the garden talking to his android advisor/girlfriend or some such bollocks.

The gardens are the second oldest botanic garden in Spain (after Madrid) and are densely packed with palm trees, exotic figs and an enormous Norfolk Island Pine. These strange trees are very popular on the island and grow very large in the perfect conditions.

The best tree is the giant Lord Howe Island fig, which has aerial roots that grow into the ground and become trunks. It looks quite other-worldly like a tree from Pandora in Avatar.

Lord Howe Island Fig

In the afternoon we sunned ourselves on our terrace with our books, and had a glass of Rose, it was very relaxing. By the way I mean Rosay wine, but I don’t know how to make the accent on the “e” at the end of the word.

In the evening we had a walk along the sea front, which was very lively with promenading tourists. The north of Tenerife is very popular with German and Dutch tourists, whereas the south is more popular with Brits. So you can get a curry wurst and Paulaner beer if you fancy one.

As it got dark we walked west and found the Elements cocktail bar. I had a Singapore Sling and Julie had a White Lady and we watched passersby envious at our sophistication and good taste. I do enjoy a cocktail when you don’t have to take out a mortgage to buy one, as you do in Twickenham.

Julie found an Italian Restaurant called  Il Ponte, which is about 3 minutes from the flat. It is a family run place which is very friendly and the food was wonderful. We both had pasta ribbons with a rabbit ragu which was bloody delicious! Rabbit is very popular in Tenerife for some reason, I have never had it with pasta before. The chef was very funny and kept doing rabbit ears and hopped around his kitchen. I loved the place and we are going back tomorrow.

A Bus Trip Up Teide

You would be daft to go to Tenerife and not take a trip up Mount Teide. It is the tallest mountain in Spain (almost 12,000 feet) and is a spectacular natural wonder. The road winds up from Puerto de la Cruz through La Oratava through lush plantations and then pine forest. It takes about an hour and is windy all the way. I’m very pleased I wasn’t driving.

The road then reaches a place called El Portillo at the start of the National Park and the landscape changes from pine forest to very high altitude desert at over 6,000 feet. It really does look like Arizona or the Sahara, a very alien landscape and not at all like Surrey.

Roques de Garcia with Teide behind

The coach stopped for coffee and toilets and we tried a local special coffee called a barraquito. It is made with espresso, frothy milk, liqueur and condensed milk. It was sweet and small like a little Irish Coffee and to be honest I wish we had a proper Americano.

The National Park is the caldera of a long dead volcano roughly 10 miles long and six miles wide. The cone of Mount Teide arises from the caldera up another 6,500 feet which you ascend in the cable car. We put every bit of clothing we had on to go up, because there was snow at the top, clearly visible from Puerto de la Cruz. But it wasn’t as cold as expected because the sunshine was so bright. All the footpaths at the top were closed because of the snow and ice, so we couldn’t walk around. Nonetheless, the views were awesome and there were no clouds so we could see other islands in the archipelago. Just by chance my brother Peter phoned me from Lincolnshire, so I was able to describe the fantastic view to him. I could look down on the observatory I was looking up to from the flat.

Tim Peaking

Later in the afternoon back at the flat we watched some paragliders circling above the town and slowly descending, we were worried about where they would land! I went down to the sea front to where we had seen the busker  the previous day, and the intrepid flyers had just landed there and were there wrapping up their parachutes.

I sat in the sunshine under the palm trees and read my Kindle until it got cool at about 6pm. I’m really enjoying A City on Mars by the Weinersmiths. It’s a non-fiction book written by a husband and wife team all about the feasibility of living on Mars, the Moon and in Space. It won the Royal Society book prize for 2024 and it was well deserved. It is incredibly well researched, informative and humorously written. It also proves even more strongly that they won’t be a Muskow on Mars any time soon.

I’m a proud geek

We returned to Il Pueblo for dinner and were disappointed this time. My Spaghetti Carbonara was very lacklustre and Julie was recommended a “pizza of the day” which was quite good, but twice the price of the standard pizzas.

They build you up then let you down, never trust a chef who does bunny hops in the kitchen.

A Walk to Bo Yo Yo Beach

The old centre of Puerto de la Cruz is set out on a grid pattern, with streets running parallel to the sea shore and others running at 90 degrees to them.

PdlC town centre

In the centre there are many beautiful old houses built in the typical Canarian style with two or three floors and wooden balconies. The historic heart of the town is surrounded by ugly blocks of flats and hotels built since the sixties. There are some lovely pedestrianised streets of old fisherman’s cottages, interspersed with more modern buildings.

The sides of some new concrete buildings have been painted with beautiful colourful murals. The local council has made a real effort to improve part of the city centre, which is good because the newer hotels are all dreadful.

Another joy in the city are the roadside palm trees. Most are the robust and common Canarian Palms, but there are also Wellingtonia Palms like the ones in Los Angeles, which grow very tall. They are planted in the streets like we have plane tree and maples and give the cities a tropical feel

We walked into the town centre to find the Tourist Information to find some ideas for walks that we could go on. The young woman in there was willing and friendly but not much practical help. She did confirm the walk to Bollollo (pronounce Bo Yo Yo) beach was worthwhile, but that was all she could suggest. I know there are load more walks on the island, but they all required a car or a long bus journey.

 After a healthy salad lunch on the terrace in the sunshine we walked east parallel to the coast to Bollollo beach. It was only a couple of miles to the beach, half of it through a banana plantations. It was a splendid walk up hill and down dale through a barranca (dry ravine).

Banana plantation on the way to Bullollo

The beach at Bollollo is made of black sand and the sea looked cold, so we didn’t descend down the cliff path to reach it. But there was an excellent restaurant close by where we had a jarra (pint-ish) and a cana (half-ish) of Dorada beer overlooking the sea, which was very relaxing. 

That’s what holidays are about really, drinking beer/wine/cocktails in the sunshine and trying to forget that the most powerful man in the world is an orange moron.

On the way back we took some steps down the cliff toward the sea front and watched a paraglider coming into land after flying up and down the coast for a long while trying to lose height. We watched him going back and forth trying to get the right approach at the right height. He did make a perfect landing on the plaza where I had seen the flyers pack up their chutes the day before, it must be their regular landing place.

Close by there was a little bar overlooking the sea, so we had an Aperol Spritz because it was such a great location, the sun was shining and it was the right thing to do. Please don’t get the impression that I’m an alcoholic, I sometimes stopped drinking for hours at a time.

Tim and the Giant Spritz

In the evening we dined at Con Pasion, which was a stylish cool place with excellent tapas and a great selection of wines. Altogether we tasted six different Canarian wines, and had dessert. I think the dessert may have been an indulgence too far, and I suffered raging reflux at 2 a.m. God just doesn’t want me to enjoy myself too much!

An amble around town

The bus system in Tenerife, TITSA, is quite good, without being great. There are regular buses all around the island, but getting advanced tickets is a pain. There was always a long queue at the ticket desk and the only machine was broken. We later found it was very easy to buy a ticket on the bus with cash or a card. In fact we paid for pretty much everything by card, either plastic or using our phones.

Without any sort of a plan for activities on that day we strolled through the town centre towards the castillo on the sea front . The oldest part of town has a fine old church, and a square called the Plaza del Charco. Close to the plaza is the old harbour which still has a few fishing boats and a small beach. Until the early 17th century, La Oratava was the main municipality in the area, and Garachico, further to the west, was the main port. Garachico exported Malmsey to England. In 1706, Teide erupted and a lava flow partly destroyed the town and blocked its harbour. Puerto de la Cruz then became the main port for La Oratava and its growth began.

El Castillo San Felipe is a substantial fort on the seafront, probably as protection from English pirates. The castillo is open to the public and has some abstract art in it, which we spent several minutes admiring (about my limit with abstract art). I’m sure that it would be a lovely space for music performances.

Castillo San Filipe , complete with toilet on the wall

Westward from the castillo there is a very pretty promenade and beaches with black sand and palm trees, which give it a very exotic feel. Unfortunately there are lots of signs saying don’t swim because the water is polluted with sewage. It’s a familiar problem to people who live by the Thames. There were plenty of people sunbathing and playing volleyball, and some of them braved the sea to play in the surf ‘n shit.

We found a cafe and had the meal deal of the day, sardines and potatoes with the typical orange and green sauces that they always serve here. They both taste the same to me and are inferior, IMHO, to HP sauce or ketchup. I must bring some next time, I might steal some sachets from Spoons next time I go.

At the end of the beach is Loro Parque, the zoo which is Tenerife’s No.1 attraction. Almost every bus and litter bin advertise the zoo, you can’t escape it. We’ve been twice before and it’s really good, but as a good Guardian reader I feel guilty about it. I felt even worse when I read the Wikipedia page which describes the treatment of its Orcas.

Close to Loro Parque there is a picturesque part of town called Punta Brava that is built right on the shore, the sea must be very noisy in a storm.

Punta Brava

On the way back I booked a table at a restaurant called the Tropical in the town centre, and went back to the flat to chill (and write up my diary).

On returning to the restaurant later in the evening they had lost my booking, the utter utter bastards. So we went to another 50 yards away which was very good. A busker parked himself nearby and played Stairway to Heaven and Wish You Were Here, so I generously put a Euro in his hat. I have always been a patron to The Arts.

Walking back up the sea front the full moon lit up the rocky shore, (and so did an annoying street light). The moon is the white blob at the top.

Seafront with Full Moon and Palm Trees

By the way I let an AI in WordPress generate the title for the blog. They are taking over!

Discovering Santa Cruz de Tenerife -History, Beaches and Art

Gran Canaria 2024 – Sunny Canteras day

Day 10 Tuesday 13 March 2024

Almost at the end of our trip and the sun is shining, it’s a sunny hot day! It was also our last chance to visit Vagueta, the oldest and most attractive part of the city. Las Palmas is scattered with sculptures and memorials in most of the small parks which is rather lovely. This guy, Dr Juan Negrin Lopez has been given some makeup, I’m not sure if the lipstick is the right shade for his green moustache.

CAAM is the Centro Atlantico de Art Moderno, the modern art museum. It is housed in a beautiful purpose built gallery close to Casa Colon. Like all modern art museums, the content is a mixed bag of genius and “what the hell is that!” The good far outweighed the indifferent, and there are some beautiful as well as challenging images in there.

I have called this one “a nod is as good as a wink”, which is also the name of an album by The Faces. Did I ever tell you that I saw the Faces once in 1972? They came of late and were as pissed as farts, as usual.

We spent a very pleasant couple of hours wandering around enjoying and trying to make sense of the pieces. Every picture and sculpture had a little description/explanation in Spanish and English, and every one was mystifying to me. The text below could be used for any of the pieces and make the same amount of sense.

In the British spirit of “bloody hell I could do better than that” I made a Work Of Art. I didn’t have a 5 year old with a packet of crayons to exploit, so this is a self-portrait. Its called “Parallel Lines:Not Blondie”. It expresses my alienation from the world of sport, and hope for the future of music through an appreciation of Deborah Harry. Possibly.

This is available from Eltimbola Enterprises as a colour photocopy for £399.99, and an extra 100 quid if you want it signed.

Spain is a lovely country in many ways. But it doesn’t have have the same level of basic amenities as in the UK. They don’t have cafes in museums, which is a horrifying omission. They miss out on an enormous revenue stream by not flogging overpriced cakes and crappacino to peckish visitors. The cafe at Kew Gardens covers several hectares and is designed to slow down the flow of customers as much as possible and sell cakes that cost as much as the hourly minimum wage. I think CAAM should convert one of the exhibition spaces into a cafe and sell coffee and carrot cake, the English tourists would pour millions of Euros into it to spend on more Art.

We took our good money elsewhere, and found a top cafe near the market. We shared a fabulous focaccia sandwich with Jamon Jamon in it, and a slice of almond cake. My lips they say “yes”, my waist he say “wibble wobble”.

After lunch we got on a number 12 up the coastal road to Parque de Santa Catalina. I wanted to take a look at the Elder Science Museum, which is housed in a big old warehouse once built by a British company called Elder. I looked through the window and could see that it was puny compared to the mighty Science Museum in Sarf Ken, so I kept my 6 Euros to spend on beer.

This is the museum, a big shed with half an extension on the top. The tall palm trees are called Washingtonia and are from California, the small ones are Phoenix Canariensis, which are local.

The park is on the Isthmus, so we walked across to Canteras beach, which was looking fabulous in the hot sunshine. It was very busy with pale tourists gently roasting in the sun. I sat on a bench looking at the sea until I got too hot, and then found a bit of shade about 30cm wide under a palm tree and sat like Robinson Crusoe hiding from the sun. Because I’m a bit of a nerd, I observed that the shadow of the tree moved about 10 cm in 10 minutes. Consequently I had to keep moving round to stay in the shade so I didn’t shrivel like Gollum.

I read my Kindle, which is much better than a phone for reading in the sun. I’m reading Nuts and Bolts by Roma Agrawal. It’s all about the engineering of small things like the wheel, pumps, nails and nuts. I enjoyed it very much, but it wouldn’t suit everyone. Probably most people to be honest. I just like to know how things work, and how they came to be. Stories are quite good, but give a man a fact and he can bore people for life.

At about 4pm we met up with Jo and Dave and found a very good restaurant overlooking the beach, with seats in the shade; perfect. There we stayed for several hours drinking and eating, it was very good indeed. Super-good, one might say.

It started getting overcast and cool at about 6.30 and took the bus down to Jo and Dave’s hotel near San Telmo, and went to the bar to test the quality of the wine and beer. Extensive research brought us to the conclusion that on the Nice/Good/Super-good/Triffic scale, the booze came in at Good. I will publish the results in the European Journal of Booze Studies. This will probably get noted by the Daily Mail and published as a health story.

I went to bed at about 11 pm, full of joy and Vino Tinto. I awoke at 1 am with hydrochloric acid erupting in my stomach like a volcano, c’est las vie.

That was our last proper day on Gran Canaria. Thursday was all about waiting of various types; at bus stops, airports and on a plane. But until they figure out how the Tardis works, thats always going to happen at the end of a holiday.

I hope you have enjoyed my blog. If you did, send me some fan mail to timharness@timharnesstravels

I can then share some facts with you about nuts and bolts or the movement of the sun relative to a Canarian palm tree.

Gran Canaria 2024- The Beautiful South

Day 9 Tuesday 12/3/24

Dave offered to hire a car and take us to the south for the day. The approximate geography of the island is that Trade Winds blow from the north and pile up cloud against the central mountains. So the north is relatively cloudy and wet compared to the south. North is green, south is a desert.

Tourists want sunshine, so that is where the biggest tourist resorts are. Dave got a Kia Rio, a small but surprisingly roomy car. His hotel is right next to the motorway which goes from Los Palmas all the way round to Puerto de Magan in about 50 minutes. Everywhere in the south has been built in about the last 50 years, and it’s all made of concrete. It’s the epitome of mass tourism. But hey, the beer is cheap and the sun is shining!

Puerto de Magan was a tiny fishing village at the end of a valley, which has been transformed by terraces of flats rising up both sides of the valley. It has a pretty little beach which looks good for swimming, and plenty of bars and restaurants. We got a coffee and strolled around town, like you do, looking at tat in the shops and being pleased I wasn’t there for a week. Some of the town is very pretty, and has cottages designed in an old local style which have bourganvillia growing over them. But much of the resort was tightly packed concrete boxes.

Our next stop was Puerto Rico, which was the Margate to Mogans Broadstairs. A bit more down market with fewer redeeming features. It follows the same pattern of beach, marina, shops, flats and restaurants, but has little charm. If you enjoy mini-golf, it’s the place for you.

This picture of Jo, Dave and Julie shows how the flats are stacked up on the volcanic hillside. It’s like a vision of Mars in a 100 years time when the terraforming has kicked in a bit, but the landscape is still shit.

Back in the car we drove east through tunnels to Maspalomas, which is a very big resort, and more upmarket than the others. The sea front is all big hotels and palm trees, and it has a long promenade. The most famous feature of the resort are the 400 hectares of dunes, which are quite spectacular. We started walking across them to the lighthouse, but then we saw a sign saying it was 3 kilometres. This is a holiday not a Royal Marines training exercise, so we went back to the car and drove.

After sniffing about for a while we found a restaurant called Piti y Flautas just off the promenade. What’s that name all about then? Does it mean “pity the flute-player”? Or is it something to do with floaters? I could look it up, but it’s more fun to speculate.

I drank a litre of lager (San Miguel) and ate a huge seafood pizza, and I feel slightly queezy but satisfied.

It was dark by the time we got back to Las Palmas, and all the drilling rigs were lit up like Christmas trees in Puerto de la Luz. Maybe that’s why it’s called port of the lights.

Gran Canaria 2024 – Return to Canteras

Day 8 Monday 11/3/24

It was raining when I woke up this morning at about 7.30. I carefully looked through the curtains and saw people sheltering in doorways and walking with umbrellas.

We had a slow start to the day, as always on holiday, and washed some clothes. I hope you weren’t expecting high drama and artful prose in this blog? It’s just a long version of the “What I Did On My Holidays” story I did for Miss Pogson when I was at Horncastle Junior School.

Once my pants were safely hung out we went over the road for a cake and pastry and planned our day. The plan was “Get a bus to Canteras beach”, not too hard since we are 5 minutes from the bus station. So we got a Number 8 bus that we thought was correct, but it drove out of the town centre and up into the suburban hills where the tumble weed rolls and men with sombreros sleep outside of their shacks.

This is a slight exaggeration, but it was the wrong bus route. I wailed and tore my clothes, but Julie was on top of the situation and found the solution.

We cunningly got off the Number 8 and got onto a Number 81 which took us to the Porto de la Luz on the isthmus (my new favourite word).

We went to the Naval Museum, next to the naval base in the port. The museum wasn’t big, and was mostly, guns, mortars, swords, and models of ships. I’m sure they keep all the good stuff in a big museum in Barcelona or Seville, and Las Palmas gets the leftovers. This looks like an old Dr Who monster costume, but is actually a diving suit from the 19th century.

We traversed the short distance from one side of the isthmus to the other, and saw two men putting up a sign explaining the about the local area called Gauntarteme. I think I can safely say that I was the first person to read that sign. It must have happened to the (late) Queen many times, but it was a new experience to me. I think it warrants a blue plaque, I shall write to the local council in green ink and demand one.

The Guantarteme was just a strip of sand until 1883 when British engineers started building the new port and the whole area became urbanised. It is now very densely populated with blocks of ugly flats. The old buildings in Vagueta and Triana are lovely, but the 20th century buildings in most of the city are almost all bloody ugly concrete stumps.

Crossing over to the other side we reached the far end of Canteras beach, where the sea pounds the volcanic shore quite violently.

There was a little cafe selling pizzadillo, so we gave it a try. It’s half a small crusty loaf with a filling in it. I had pulled pork, Julie had cod in a tomato sauce. Washed down with a small beer it was perfect for watching the ocean. In the distance I could see Mount Teide poking up through the clouds on Tenerife. Its the highest mountain in Spain, and its cone was twinned in the photo with a volcano on Las Palmas.

It was a relaxing spot to watch the sea, so we had another cana of beer before continuing our walk along the sea shore.

After a brief appearance, the sun retired and we were left with an overcast sky, which the locals call “The Donkeys Belly”. But it was still great to be beside the seaside, definitely warmer than Skegness. I got an icecream and watched the surfers shooting along on top of massive breakers, I’m pleased it was them, rather them than me.

After Canteras we walked to the Central Market. Bad move, it was mostly shut. Then to Alcaravaneras beach to find a cafe. No cafes there, not even any seats to sit on. The day wasn’t going our way, so we took a Number 17 bus back to San Telmo.

I cooked some awesome pasta for dinner in the flat. I like having a kitchen to cook in, a washing machine for my smalls, and a big telly to watch Netflix n’ chill.

Can you see me in the mirror?

Day 9 – The Beautiful South

Gran Canaria 2024- Bike Tour of Las Palmas

Day 7 Sunday 10/3/24

I woke up at an ungodly hour (7am) to have a wee and couldn’t get back to sleep again. You know how it is. I tried all the counting stuff and saying goodnight to my feet and legs, but Morpheus would not welcome me back into his arms. So I got up and watched nerdy YouTube videos on my phone.

I like videos about rockets, construction, physics, engineering and geography. If I was to put those on a dating website profile, I would probably end up with Prof. Brian Cox. He’s a nice guy, but really not my type.

After Julie woke up, we had coffee n’shit, we set off on today’s Big Adventure with Jo and Dave, a cycle tour of Las Palmas. Our cycling host was Jose, who is a professional cycling teacher, mostly for 6 to 12 year olds. At weekends he takes tours with grown-ups.

The first leg was Vaguata and Triana, the oldest parts of the city. To be blunt, I’ve seen it already, so not exciting for me. After coffee in San Telmo Park we cycled north to see some parts of the city we hadn’t seen before. I haven’t got many photos since I was fully engaged with riding my pillar box red “Dutch style” bike. It was what I would call a ladies bike with a basket on the front. I forced myself to accept that there is diversity in the bicycle world, and in 2024 they should not be Gender Specific. I would have preferred a crossbar and darker paint job, but we are living in a Post-Barbie world and I have to reject Ken’s outlook on cycling.

Jose took us to the Santa Catalina Hotel, the best in town. It was built by The British in 1890, when there were lots of Brits conducting business in the city. Las Palmas is on trade routes for steam ships to the Empire, so Brits built La Luz port to handle the trade. The city expanded massively after the port was built in 1885, and is the third largest in Spain.

Just as we got to the hotel, the Bilbao football team were getting onto their coach on the way to a league match with Las Palmas. I took some photos of the players, I think this guy might be famous, lots of kids wanted his autograph.

The tour continued as far as the promenade at Canteras, which was heaving with weekend visitors. We had a brief look at it and then crossed the isthmus to the eastern side where there were two bloody great cruise ships tied up. After that it was a 20 minute ride along the coast back to Veguata and the end of our tour; Adios Jose!

The 10k ride took about 4 hours, so not very taxing. Nonetheless a post-cycle beer at a cafe behind the cathedral was very welcome. We then went for a late lunch at Allende Triana. My main course was called Iberian Pork with Crispy Fries. It was strips of pork served with some sort of herb dressing in little dish. The fries were freshly cooked crisps, without any seasoning. It was tasty, but a bit simple and basic. Pork and Crisps, I don’t think it will catch on. The waiter (he told us he was from Cuba) was brisk and efficient, but had all the charm of a Macdonalds server on a bad day

Here’s a picture of my lunch, it was a vegetarians nightmare.

So it’s back to Canteras beach tomorrow, and possibly the Science Museum if the weather is bad.

Gran Canaria 2024- The Botanic Gardens

Day 6 Saturday 9/3/24

Today it was time to get outa Dodge and commune with nature at the Jardin Botanico. Before we left Julie was about to make some coffee, but there was no power. There were workmen at a bank over the road doing something, so I went to investigate. It could have been a massive heist by a major OCG, but Ray Winstone wasn’t there and there was no glamorous lady criminal mastermind in a tight skirt and stilettos. A bloke in overalls pointed at a notice tied to a lamp post, written in Spanish of course. Google Translate worked its magic and told me that the power would be off until 5.30 in the evening. So no coffee for me.

The bus went from San Telmo bus station, 5 minutes away from the flat. It only took about 15 minutes to get to the botanic gardens in the hills above the city. There was a wooden cabin at the entrance where a man told us we wouldn’t need a ticket. Maybe that’s his job, and he has a degree in telling people it’s free to get it. Our first stop was the rather nice restaurant to get a coffee and book for lunch later on.

The restaurant was at the top of a big hill, and most of the gardens were at the bottom, so we walked a short way down and then sat on a bench in the sunshine until it was lunchtime.

The restaurant is very nice, and definitely a step up from the Mexican last night. We had a great table in the window overlooking the gardens and the hills across the valley.

Do you want to know what we had? Steak and Kidney Pudding and Mushy Peas. Only kidding, we had crispy prawns to start followed by Hake and potatoes and fried peppers. I said to the waitress “can I see the drinks menu?”, she said “we don’t have a drinks menu”. Aha I thought, a cunning trick to make us buy a 30 Euro bottle of mediocre wine, so we had water (flat).

After lunch we walked down steps to reach the main part of the gardens. They are uneven stone steps, with a cliff on one side and a steep drop on the other. There are very few signs, and the wrong turn can lead to a dead end or really precipitous steps about 2 feet wide. So it took us 20 minutes of careful walking to get to the bottom of the cliff.

That’s Julie thinking about the Life Insurance policy I took out on her last week.

But it was worth it, since the gardens at the bottom are very lovely. It was much more Spanish (disorganised) than Kew, but it is extensive and relaxing. There are sections of pine forest, laura silva, coastal plants, succulents and cactuses. A murky pond was churning with fish and dragon flies hovered over it which were the size of Ornithopters.

Some of the cactuses are the size of trees, and have woody trunks with bark 60cm across. The laura silva woodland is a recreated remnant of a type forest which once covered much of the Canaries and Madiera. It was alive with birdsong, the most I have heard on the island. When we travelled to Costa Rica in 2022 we expected lots of birdsong in the rainforest, but all we heard was distant Howler Monkeys.

It is a great place to visit, but its a pity there are no bus stops at the bottom of the hill. On the other hand, climbing back up the stairs took only 11 minutes and we only had to wait 10 minutes for a bus. The bus dropped us in Vagueta and we saw some more lovely streets of old houses.

I’m sat next to the tiny balcony in the flat with the doors open listening to the chatter from the street below. I have a glass of iced Ron Miel and some salty nuts, so I’m happy as a pig in shit. The Jehovahs are down there witnessing all the people who won’t be going to heaven with them. What I’m thinking is that if heaven is full of that lot, it’s probably very boring and down stairs with all the sinners would be much more fun.

Day 7 – Bike Tour of Las Palmas